new leaf
So sori to hear dat kaya lang bukas b4 12nn due nyan n ikaw lang pinaga2wa non.
How typical. I said i was having a flu and that was the reply i got. So off to work i go this unholy hour of sunday. i rode an fx cab. ‘Bayad po, hanggang cubao’ as i paid a hundred peso bill. Hell with road rage. Apparently these vehicles, including the one i’m riding in, were pretty much having a misunderstanding, for lack of better word. I was in the front seat and i saw most of the action, the other vehicle was criss-crossing and kept on cutting in infront of us. It did blocked the way several times. Wtf. Are you trying to get all of us killed? Hello. I’m just an innocent passenger here. Confrontation came and they’re all quite heated up. Here’s the amusing part, i acted like some jolly middle man. I interrupted both of them, said a shallow sorry and told the driver i’m with to let it go. I was busy fumbling my phone and reacted to a life and death situation with a cheer. Like i’m so problem free. And then the driver said, im better off look for another fx cab since ‘may babalikan lang akong isa pa’. Ok, that’s your life, have it your way. I rode another and kept myself busy again with my phone. Then when i was about to pay up, shit. I blocked out. I cant remember whether the other driver returned my hundred pesos or i just dropped it someplace. I had to pay this other driver my last five hundred peso bill. Good thing he has change. Good thing i still have money. Whether the so-called road rage was a scheme, i dunno. But i still lost a good hundred bucks.
Early on, around twelve midnight, i was seated quite comfortably in a wahaha internet hub. Funny name. Glad to know they offer 24 hours of internet service and at only fifteen pesos per hour rate. Unbelievable. Netopia aint utopia afterall. After getting all drained and detoxicated, i decided i needed a beer refill so off i went to the nearby vega j. Drank two bootles of light and called it morning. Got home real quick and dozed off all through a very kind fourteen hours. I slept for fourteen hours yet stayed on bed for i think four more. I guess i got my mom worried and i somehow made it sure i eat something she prepared before i stepped out of the house.
I finally ran out of mobile prepaid load. It did took forever before i get serviced at a mercury outlet. Then rode an fx taxi cab.
‘Got back to where i started ey? What story-telling!
Later is the lighter side of life. Before that though, ‘better finish my chore.
Tropopeeps. ‘Got back where we started.
•
Call it a flick
Stop reading this blog.
Nobody told you so. I didn’t.
Weird. Just a personal observation, since i would conclude that this is the first time i ever went through such. My world tends to go upside down. I blog in Filipino yet i speak in english during regular days. Tila ba isang lango at malakas ang tama. Kahibangan lamang. Sana lumipas, sana saglit lang.
Mali. Maling-mali. Pero sabi ko nga, i’m never wrong. Patunay lamang isa akong masokista. Kinailangan ko pa marinig o mabasa nang paulit-ulit na wala akong kinabukasan maaring asahan kasama siya. Karapatan niya iyon, at wala akong kapangyarihang baguhin iyon. Hindi ko nais mamilit o anu man. Hindi ako ganuon. Hindi, lalo na’t kapag una pa lamang alam ko nang wala. hindi ko na hinahayaan ang sarili ko. Ayoko talagang nasasaktan. Pero, kasalanan nga bang maituturing ang maging malapit ako sapagkat napakabuti niyang kaibigan. Kasalanan niya ba iyon na hinayaan niya akong mahulog sa kanya? Ayoko sanang isipin ngunit siya na nagsabing oo. Isa lamang akong hangal. Dahil dito ako’y nagsisisi. Tila tulirong nagsisising hindi ko ipinakita ang nararamdaman ko sa bawat mga naunang mensahe. Walang lambing o anuman. Kasi alam ko nuon pa, bawal, ‘walang maiinlove’. There’s a thin line between friendship and love. Siguro nga. Kunsabagay, nuong una pa lang, maaaring hindi niya ako ginusto. At hindi rin naman ako ‘yung tipong may kakayahang magmahal na nais niya. Kahit pilitin ko. Kahit kaya ko sana. Isa lamang akong hangal. Kasalanan ko na rin.
Hangal. Nasa akin lamang ang kapangyarihang ikutin ang sarili kong mundo. Maging masaya. May sarili nga akong mundo. Na pilit niyang kinasusuklaman at pilit na tinatangihan ng maayos. How condescending. Salamat na rin. Pilitin ko man ngayong tigilan ang kahibangan ito, hindi ko pa kayang hindi mag-isip. Pansariling paalala: wala akong karapatang umasa, maghintay, managinip o maging masaya kasama siya. Magpahiwatig, magmensahe, tumawag. Wala akong karapatang masaktan o magdamdam, maging magselos. Isipin mo na lang kung gaano kahirap iyon. Isipin mo kasi sumang-ayon siya na tila wala lang.
Para sa isang taong may ’sariling mundo’ at bihirang bihira lumabas ng opisina. kayo lang ang kinahaharapan kong makasama. Siguro nga’t dahil gusto kita mula pa nung sa starbucks nga. Ewan. Binasa mo na naman ba? Walang nagbago. ‘Walang magbabago’. Hindi siya. Hindi ako. Malamang ikaw rin.
Gusto man kita saluhan sa mga nasasambit mong problema mo, inalisan mo na rin ako ng karapatan diyan.
Kung bakit kailan pa naging malinaw ang iyong mga naging salita saka lamang naging mapang-ubaya at tumutugon sa mga ilang pagkakataon makasama ka - hindi ko na alam.
Walang mali pagnagmahal. Tama. At wala rin akong gusto masira na pagkakaibigan. Nasira ko lang ang pangalan ko. Sinu lang ba ako. May ibang umaasa bukod sa ating tatlo. Wala rin akong karapatang humadlang o maging sagabal o makapraning ng iba. Hindi ko kagustuhan ito. Hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko sa ngayon. Patawad.
Sassy girl. Siya nga pala, ipinaabot ko na lang sa kanya ang dvd mo, hindi ko na binalak panuorin. Baka lalu lamang akong maguluhan. Salamat na lang kahit malapit na akong bumili ng dvd writer. Napakadakila kong th. Ingat na lamang.
Tama, hindi nakakalipad si batman.
