crazy ferris wheel ride
Six years in the making huh? Haha that is if we wont count the time at burgerking, december of 2000, ei arianne? Now that’s nostalgic. Thank God for friendster indeed. i finally had the chance to meet up with journal woman and friends mazel and aviec. Such a hilarious bunch we were. Highschool folks barely changed except, they slimmed down! haha (money down guys) And may i add the change of hair styles. Well i guess that’s what six years not seeing each other do. After a helluva week, i guess i was good enough that i was somehow rewarded a friday night free. Shakey’s was the first stop, we went on ordering stuffs like party 14 inch belly buster, a pitcher of iced tea, a basket of mojos, and dont forget the sundae bar! Who cant resist ice cream? Well aviec was the ice cream expert, i only learned about it that day. The counter top was quite a mess and it really funny watching li’l kids make their ice cream art (mess, more like it). The machine supplies all the sundae you’ll need and you just have to stuff the thing with every yummy toppings available. Easy and fun? Youbetcha. But as i said, we’re with the expert.. Everybody got full quick as everyone was laughing in between bites. Stories, anecdotes and those stupid questions (di ba flight attendant si anu, bakit sya nasa building?). It’s really nasty but it’s totally hilarious talking about people, dont you think? As long as nobody crosses the limit. That day i also learned mazel has this plan of running for president- right mazel, keep your record a clean slate. Aviec is such a businesswoman slash party girl. Arianne on the other hand has a thing with cords! hehe I also learned they all frequent my blog. Hi guys! So you see that’s why i’m so nice all the sudden. Joke! Anyway, after refusing to gorge on more pizza and mojos, we went up to G4 cinemas and eyed on ’sky high’. Oh, i get to meet atan and folks who have been roaming the same area for quite a bit, too bad i cant join them (’sides, i usually had more chance going out with them than these high school folks). And surprise! Aljer’s also within the vicinity. The guy grew taller indeed. Movie time came but no mazel- she had to go home na kasi.
Sky high. How apt that i watched this movie with highschool folks. Outstanding movie, for lack of more accurate words. Certainly not just a so-so, another super hero flick. It really amuses how the tiniest of details and seemingly trivial infos were spunned together to create the plot’s twists and turns. Corny, pambata but then again, the whole thing was really well-thought, well written- even the talkies were smart! I genuinely adore them lines. Basta po, three thumbs up.
Skip forward to today, friday the 16th.
I‘m probably the last person to ever have faith on love or related subjects. I’m skeptic. Then again even the antithesis valentina falls for such emotions. Tang ina. I hate going through these stuffs. I feel so pathetic, so puny and small for my chair. I hate guessing. I’m no fan of confrontations, either. And i hate it that cueshe’s actually on my ears right now… There. I’ve been a prey of my own thoughts and infatuations. Damn it. I can’t even say if it’s infatuation. I’m so clueless. "Tayong dalwa hanggang kwentuhan lang" (7foot jr, daisy) Really now, i’m not in the position to argue. I’m no alpha male. Sino ba nman ako. In the first place, i can’t offer anything more. I’m not the shutterbug. This is pathetic, pointless. I’m pathetic and pointless. Having said so, i’m no date candidate for anyone by now. Yesterday, i was okay. Damn it. Do you agree, there aint real jokes since jokes root from reality. He may be joking all the time, but i know, he meant it. He’s taking her away, not that i own her. They had this thing going since day one. I was just too stupid to even immense myself into such situation. I fell for her unintentionally. Stupid cupid. Just all about wrong timing. Not now. Not like this. When i ‘ve been lying to myself all along, that i was over it. Magpaalam ba. Why do you even have to bother. God, i’ve ran out of expletives. I need a distraction. There’s a thin line between a sanity and otherwise. And i guess i’ve just filled in that blank. Then all the sudden, nothing makes much sense. Not the work. Not my esteem. Not life right now. Escape. Dive. Splash.
Breathe. Tonight i finished cigarettes as much as the fingers on my left hand. No reason. No drinking session. No gig whatsoever. And it felt like i only smoked a stick. All within forty five minutes? Focus. Think. Nothing. A so-so morning from a so-so day. The whole time, i did smile. I did laugh. Conversed. Mingled. But none of those mirrored what i’ve been feeling. My thoughts havent been so kind as of late. Had the hardest time figuring the sense of things. Stop reading this blog, it’s intoxicated. I guess by this time they had a hell of their time. Had the best night. While me, neck deep in workshit. Simplicated shit. I want to shout. It’s five in the morning. I want to shout. People are sleeping. I had enough shower. Still got a line up of things at hand. Tulala, wlalang laman ang hapong mata. Tulog na lang, tulog na lang ang hinaharap na ligaya. I want to sleep back home. Honest. I’m creatively drained. I’m extra uninspired. Extra soapy. I hate a lot of things. I hate myself. I hate being that stupid kid. I hate being that thin, nerdy, wide-eyed kid who never knew what the fuck those street games were. I hate it i never learned to bike. I hate it that i can beat my mom in a game of scrabble as a kid. I hate the fact i trust people too fast. I hate the fact i cant trust myself. I hate the fact that onl’s pinoy ako is played in the kapamilya channel. I hate it that i was the last person to realize they sang that song. But i still love ice cream. I hate it that i make a lousy ice cream sundae from shakeys. I hate the place’s pizza by the way. I dont care i havent seen all the dvds out there. I hate it i cant manage my own money. I hate it when people read my blog and think they’re so special or popular that i soiled they’re oh-so pristine reputation. It’s more pathetic. I hate it i haven’t actually watched gremlins. Hate something too? Join the club. I hate the fact there’s really no one to confide. All the conversations end with an annoying silence and lost of words. I like it that blogs never complain, but they do pass everything around. Of course, silly. I hate it when we’re suppose to take notes when society dictates something. I hate it i cant see my keyboard properly. I hate it i missed another gym night. I hate the fact that all my so-called infatuations are actually taken if not preoccupied, or just plain ‘cannot be’. I hate it that i intimidate a few people just by talking or writing. I hate it when people say things when they mean otherwise. We can’t be young forever, now if i can only recall a sliver of my childhood. I hate it i cant recall i’ve been a peter pan. It’s funny people comment my blog’s lengthy yet read it just the same. I hate it that my life’s such a crazy ferris wheel ride. I’m bound to die with my work-workout-coffee-work-gimmick-beer-work routine. Who wouldnt die anyway? Gonna die insane. Gonna die a womanizer. Gonna die a workaholic. It runs in the family. I hate it when people make fun of my family or the lack thereof. I hate it when people think i dont own a house. I hate it i dont have all the keys for the door. I hate knocking at doors and spending a good few minutes waiting. I hate it when people think i’m so fucking innocent and harmless. I hate it when they think otherwise. I hate it that i think before i do it. I hate it when i dont think when doing it. I hate my energy gauge. I hate my skin. I want to peel away from myself sometimes. I hate it that my ex was my friend’s infatuation. I hate it i’m on the other side of the fence now. I hate it that there’s such a fence. I hate it that i’ve written another crap. I thought i like mymp. I hate the fact i have to rent some place else just to blog. i hate all the fuss about blogging shit. I’m tired of discussing blogs per se. I thought i had a best bud. But then we talk too much of ourselves. Just ‘nother coincidence. I hate it i have a busted table lamp and a broken pair of eyeglasses. Right now, i dont care since idunno. I want to shout. You know, he likes you. I’ll go to hell now. ******-***
Is it right to choose? Work. Relationship. Friends. Arts. Music. Family. Aint there an ‘all of the above’? Stupid extreme balance. No such thing. Ended up with nothing. And the equally maddening ac unit’s chilling me so bad. I’m extra confused. Right now, i dont care since idunno. Tama ba na aminin na nating my taning. Wala na raw tayong mga kabataan sa ating mga ulo. You with the sad eyes… lecheng media player.
Natapos mo na ba, panu sisimulan? Ayoko lang naman, may masagasaan. Anung sinabi mo, anong sinabi nya?… May nasasaktan, may naghihintay, may umaasa, di mapalagay, anung plano mo? mahal mo pa ba siya? …nahihirapan nang umibig ng lihim (cambio)
I‘m falling. Breaking into pieces. I’m drowning, choking into pieces. i will survive… Love becomes a silly, silly game played by fools (twisted halo) -headbang material
Blogshit.
Wla nang magagawa kundi tumawa.
