Archive for September, 2005

new leaf

Sunday, September 25th, 2005

So sori to hear dat kaya lang bukas b4 12nn due nyan n ikaw lang pinaga2wa non.

How typical. I said i was having a flu and that was the reply i got. So off to work i go this unholy hour of sunday. i rode an fx cab. ‘Bayad po, hanggang cubao’ as i paid a hundred peso bill. Hell with road rage. Apparently these vehicles, including the one i’m riding in, were pretty much having a misunderstanding, for lack of better word. I was in the front seat and i saw most of the action, the other vehicle was criss-crossing and kept on cutting in infront of us. It did blocked the way several times. Wtf. Are you trying to get all of us killed? Hello. I’m just an innocent passenger here. Confrontation came and they’re all quite heated up. Here’s the amusing part, i acted like some jolly middle man. I interrupted both of them, said a shallow sorry and told the driver i’m with to let it go. I was busy fumbling my phone and reacted to a life and death situation with a cheer. Like i’m so problem free. And then the driver said, im better off look for another fx cab since ‘may babalikan lang akong isa pa’. Ok, that’s your life, have it your way. I rode another and kept myself busy again with my phone. Then when i was about to pay up, shit. I blocked out. I cant remember whether the other driver returned my hundred pesos or i just dropped it someplace. I had to pay this other driver my last five hundred peso bill. Good thing he has change. Good thing i still have money. Whether the so-called road rage was a scheme, i dunno. But i still lost a good hundred bucks.

Early on, around twelve midnight, i was seated quite comfortably in a wahaha internet hub. Funny name. Glad to know they offer 24 hours of internet service and at only fifteen pesos per hour rate. Unbelievable. Netopia aint utopia afterall. After getting all drained and detoxicated, i decided i needed a beer refill so off i went to the nearby vega j. Drank two bootles of light and called it morning. Got home real quick and dozed off all through a very kind fourteen hours. I slept for fourteen hours yet stayed on bed for i think four more. I guess i got my mom worried and i somehow made it sure i eat something she prepared before i stepped out of the house.

I finally ran out of mobile prepaid load. It did took forever before i get serviced at a mercury outlet. Then rode an fx taxi cab.

‘Got back to where i started ey? What story-telling!

Later is the lighter side of life. Before that though, ‘better finish my chore.

Tropopeeps. ‘Got back where we started.

Call it a flick

Stop reading this blog.

Nobody told you so. I didn’t.

Weird. Just a personal observation, since i would conclude that this is the first time i ever went through such. My world tends to go upside down. I blog in Filipino yet i speak in english during regular days. Tila ba isang lango at malakas ang tama. Kahibangan lamang. Sana lumipas, sana saglit lang.

Mali. Maling-mali. Pero sabi ko nga, i’m never wrong. Patunay lamang isa akong masokista. Kinailangan ko pa marinig o mabasa nang paulit-ulit na wala akong kinabukasan maaring asahan kasama siya. Karapatan niya iyon, at wala akong kapangyarihang baguhin iyon. Hindi ko nais mamilit o anu man. Hindi ako ganuon. Hindi, lalo na’t kapag una pa lamang alam ko nang wala. hindi ko na hinahayaan ang sarili ko. Ayoko talagang nasasaktan. Pero, kasalanan nga bang maituturing ang maging malapit ako sapagkat napakabuti niyang kaibigan. Kasalanan niya ba iyon na hinayaan niya akong mahulog sa kanya? Ayoko sanang isipin ngunit siya na nagsabing oo. Isa lamang akong hangal. Dahil dito ako’y nagsisisi. Tila tulirong nagsisising hindi ko ipinakita ang nararamdaman ko sa bawat mga naunang mensahe. Walang lambing o anuman. Kasi alam ko nuon pa, bawal, ‘walang maiinlove’. There’s a thin line between friendship and love. Siguro nga. Kunsabagay, nuong una pa lang, maaaring hindi niya ako ginusto. At hindi rin naman ako ‘yung tipong may kakayahang magmahal na nais niya. Kahit pilitin ko. Kahit kaya ko sana. Isa lamang akong hangal. Kasalanan ko na rin.

Hangal. Nasa akin lamang ang kapangyarihang ikutin ang sarili kong mundo. Maging masaya. May sarili nga akong mundo. Na pilit niyang kinasusuklaman at pilit na tinatangihan ng maayos. How condescending. Salamat na rin. Pilitin ko man ngayong tigilan ang kahibangan ito, hindi ko pa kayang hindi mag-isip. Pansariling paalala: wala akong karapatang umasa, maghintay, managinip o maging masaya kasama siya. Magpahiwatig, magmensahe, tumawag. Wala akong karapatang masaktan o magdamdam, maging magselos. Isipin mo na lang kung gaano kahirap iyon. Isipin mo kasi sumang-ayon siya na tila wala lang.

Para sa isang taong may ’sariling mundo’ at bihirang bihira lumabas ng opisina. kayo lang ang kinahaharapan kong makasama. Siguro nga’t dahil gusto kita mula pa nung sa starbucks nga. Ewan. Binasa mo na naman ba? Walang nagbago. ‘Walang magbabago’. Hindi siya. Hindi ako. Malamang ikaw rin.

Gusto man kita saluhan sa mga nasasambit mong problema mo, inalisan mo na rin ako ng karapatan diyan.

Kung bakit kailan pa naging malinaw ang iyong mga naging salita saka lamang naging mapang-ubaya at tumutugon sa mga ilang pagkakataon makasama ka - hindi ko na alam.

Walang mali pagnagmahal. Tama. At wala rin akong gusto masira na pagkakaibigan. Nasira ko lang ang pangalan ko. Sinu lang ba ako. May ibang umaasa bukod sa ating tatlo. Wala rin akong karapatang humadlang o maging sagabal o makapraning ng iba. Hindi ko kagustuhan ito. Hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko sa ngayon. Patawad.

Sassy girl. Siya nga pala, ipinaabot ko na lang sa kanya ang dvd mo, hindi ko na binalak panuorin. Baka lalu lamang akong maguluhan. Salamat na lang kahit malapit na akong bumili ng dvd writer. Napakadakila kong th. Ingat na lamang.

Tama, hindi nakakalipad si batman.

eviction

Tuesday, September 20th, 2005

Damn. I just lost a post. Stupid PC.

Fascinating but i am not at all cheered. It is indeed a fascinating note that gut feels are usually right. Havent checked friendster on that friday yet i blogged on something about what i read was written that day. You dont have to follow my string of thoughts, though. And so i was right, things are boiling between them. I hate tagging my life with coincidences and whatnots those horrorscopes say. Although today was creepy, how the f*ck did yahoo astrology figured about my blackshoes being new and a waste of money? Yup, follow my train of thought to middle earth. Anyway, back to misery… I guess i am quite linked to both of them that i know things are developing, ithink. My words in my blogs matches his messages. Although her messages– they’s pretty much a mess. Leaving me dumbfounded and more and more confused. It hurts my head that i decided i rather not think about them messages. But still, i really cant say i can now laugh things off. Maybe i can be happy for them. ‘Just right now, can’t be happy for myself. I’ve never been that mature. But ‘got to live through all these. They are, afterall, both my friends last time i checked. ‘Just that right now, ‘cant yet shrug the idea of me being a third party. It gives more weight to my seemingly pathetic, auxillary existence. I feel ultimately useless and alone. Maybe i should just give things up. I need a couple of weeks of vacation. Or maybe i should finally move out. I’m torn between predicaments in my work, stagnant careerpath and the so-called lovelife. Maybe i should go hop on a plane and go to dubai. That’ll make him and the others giddy-yup-happy. It figures, no wonder his face lights up whenever i blabber about aileen (another cannot be). I’m tempted to escape. When i’m supposed to accept things as they are. That ducks wont, even after forever, be swans. That a kermit can never be a princess’ prince. That i can not move about m’life unless i get kinetic. I shoulda seen things coming. Or maybe i shouldnt have ignore the signs. And i thought i’d love both of them. Now, i’m off to hell.

I had the cruelest couple of weeks. Crazy chubibo ride indeed. One sec you’re up then down then up-down again. One moment working then meetin up folks the next, with no rest in between. Am so lacking of bed rest that i dream vividly on naps. So much for the new cushion. To think i was actually excited.

Never had the right to choose in the first place, nonetheless.

How much time can i hold this ok-mask up my face? Don’t ask. I don’t have the answers. Oh fuck it.

Breakable. Broken. Shitty bloke.

At my age, i never thought i still have emotions i cannot give a name. I want to shout. Just a plain arggh for i’ve no more words to express. I hate my predicament. I hate the what-ifs, shouldas, couldas. Wtf, i’m all set to oblivion.

Sorry, tayo’y malabo. Maya-maya lang ay may ilaw na, pero sana malaman mo– magkailaw man, madilim pa rin. Kung wala na. Kung wala ka… nasan ka na kaya? (sugarfree.kandila)

eviction ii

I was merely wandering through makati and whaddayaknow, netopia! ‘Havent really organized the cluttered mess i have as my thoughts but what the heck. Oh, i’m gonna regret my words later on.

Mahirap, masakit, nagkalamat pero sana di mabasag.

Oo, tao lang din ako. Di maaalis sa kin na masaktan- sa oras na ito, di ko lang talaga alam. Napakalaking dagok nitong dalawang linggong nakalipas sa pagkatao ko. Sa oras na ito, nais ko sana magpakalango. Sana. Nais ko sana maglaho. Gayunpaman, salamat. Narinig ko na ang kailangan kong malaman. Maaaring walang ‘kayo’ pero merong ‘mahal ka niya’ at ‘gusto ko si ****’. Sapat na. Mali man ang mga nabitiwan kong salita, nagalit man kayo, wala na akong maisasambit pa. Sa puntong ito, hindi na ako nararapat pang maglagi sa magiting ninyong larawan. Hindi na mahalaga kung umasa ako, kung may pagtingin ako. Patawad muli, hindi ko lang talaga kaya pigilan ang aking mga saloobin. Hayun na nga’t nagsara na ang netopia at dala ng pangangailangan, lumipat sa ibang tanggapan na may internet 24 oras malapit sa 7eleven. Isang malaking kahibangan. Hindi ko lang kayang ipasangtabi kung gaano kalaki ako naging tanga. Patunay ngang manhid lamang at tila musmos and kamuwangan ko. Kung sa bagay nga, minsan nasabi kong wala akong kakayang magmahal. Mayroon naman pala. Mahalin, hindi ko lamang alam. Ayoko lamang maging pabigat, kahit hindi ko maalis sa kokote ko ang aking pagiging sagabal. Bakit ba kasi, bakit. Siguro’y dala na lamang ng sobrang tagal ng pagkalihim. Kailangan niyang magtapat ng di oras. Maayos na sana, tamang tropa lang, kahit may kaunting tensyon. Ayos lang sana, marami pa mangyayari. Mapilit siya. Pero mabuti na rin ito. Lahat naman lilipas. Kasi ganun din, ako rin magtatapat pag oras na. Sana.

Balik-tanawan natin. May mga pagkakataong tila ba nais naming magnakaw ng sandali kasama siya. Intramuros. Night photography. May shoot daw sila. Ewan ba’t naisipan ko pang ipagpilitan ang sarili ko gayung hindi naman ako photographer. Chocolate factory. Paumanhin na sa kanya mo pa malaman na sinubukan ko siyang makasama. Pero napakabuti mo, bata ka, alam kong pinilit mong wag makasakit na lagi mo na lang sinasalo kapag di natutuloy. Gaya nung indie movie. Pero kahit maaari sana, pinaubaya ko nang makasama mo siya sa join the club. Na hindi raw siya nagpunta. Kung bakit hindi mapaliwanag ang tensyon sa lucena, kaya pala. Ewan. Ewan, binasa mo pa ito. Wala namang kasaysayan. Hindi ko kailangan ang awa ninyo. Hindi ninyo kailangang isipin ang kapakanan ko. Masakit na kung masakit, pero isang madali lang sana. ‘Yun ba ang tinatawag na pagkakaibigan? Hindi ko kasi alam.

Paumanhin muli, hindi na ako nag-iisip. Oo nag-enjoy tayo sa piling ng lahat. Pero ngayon, sa paglingon kong ito, niloko ko lang sarili ko. Pero isa kang bayani, biruin mo wala akong tunay na alam na gusto o mahal mo siya. Siguro’y katakot-takot na  pagseselos ang inabot mo. Gaya ko kung minsan. Nagselos ako kahit hindi ko alam tunay yaang pagtingin mo. Nagselos ako wala naman akong karapatan. Kaya siguro. Minsan kasi hinihram mo ang telepono ko, maaring sinusubaybayan mo ang pag-uusap namin. Wala lang. Kasi wala naman. Kayo ang madalas. Halos langgamin na siguro kulitan ninyo. Araw-araw. Sa tuwing tayo’y nagpapalitan ng mensahe, alam ko kausap mo rin siya. At ikaw, alam ko kapag nakatulala ka o natahimik, siya iniisip mo.

Mahirap. Wala naman nang iba. Marami rin naman akong kapintasan. Na akala ko’y di ko pinapansin. Katawa-tawa, ngunit wala naman dapat pagtalunan. Kasi ayaw mo nga. Bata ka pa. Naghihintay siya. Ako, eugene ang labas ko kung sasabihin kong ako rin. Nanigurado lamang siya na pagdating ng oras, siya lamang handuon. Peste. Walang nangyayari ng isang gabi lamang o isang araw. Isang linggo? Hindi ko alam. Hindi ba’t sinubukan natin, nung nagkasundo tayo’t tropa na lang uli? Napakadakila kong th.

Ngayong gabi, napadaan ako ng burgerking. Napasulyap sa shakey’s. Kakalimutan ko rin ba’ng ice cream? Wala nang saysay kumain dun, hindi masarap pizza, di gaya sa pizzahut. Pizza. Yellowcab? Biruin mo si aileen sadyang hindi ko na nasama sa yellowcab. Galing akong powerbooks, alam mo ba nakita ko? Dinosaur pop ups.

Abas. Baywalk. Hap Chang. South waters. Starbucks. Robs. Yahoo messenger.

Masakit, pero wag kang maglalaho. Wag ikaw. May sarili kang buhay, oo. Patawad nasagi kita. Kaibigan? Patawad uli, sapagkat hindi basta kaibigan ang itinuring ko sa iyo mula pa nung makakilala kita nang pormal sa starbucks magallanes. Laking hinayang ko kinailangan kong lumiban sa isang gabi sa vega j. Ikinabuti n’yo at naging magdance partner kayo. Siguro kung nakasama ako, naiwan ako sa mesa kasama si kz. Hindi ko matatagalan iyon.

Hayaan mo’t kapag naalala ko, may rosas ka sa araw ng mga puso.

Saguijo. Halu-halong alaala na lamang. Ang saya di ba, join the club uli.

Lilipas din. Panahon lang kailangan. Kakainin naman ako ng trabahong pilit ko ngang tinatakbuhan. Para sa iba pang nagbabasa, hindi ako taga magallanes, opo may bahay ako na pilit kong tinatawag na tahanan. At opo, may inang nagmamahal at naghihintay sa ‘kin duon. Hindi lang ako matawa sa biro ninyo.

‘Di na tayo tulad ng dati, kay bilis ng sandali…

Kung iisipin mo, di naman dati ganito, teka muna teka lang kelan tayo nailang?

Kung iisipin mo, o di naman dati ganito, kay bilis kasi ng buhay, pati tayo natangay…

unfinished script

Saturday, September 17th, 2005

ATO, A BOY OF A NEGATIVE PERSPECTIVE GETS A LIFE DETOUR WHEN HE MET A GIRL NAMED ASHA WHO ACQUIRE A LESSON OR TWO FROM THEIR ENCOUNTER.

SCENE 1
FADE IN

OWNER TYPE JEEP TRAILED AERIAL SHOT

(V.O.) ATO: Hindi ko maalalang naging bata ako, kasi, sa mga nakikita kong mga bata–kesasaya nila… hindi ko maalalang.. naging masaya ako…

EXT. FRONT DOOR-DAY OF SLIGHTLY BIG HOUSE WITH A SMALL VARIETY STORE.

DOOR OPENS

DANNY: Pareng Duardo..!

DANNY, a well built man in his forties welcomes
DUARDO, a man of the same age wearing a buri hat accompanied by a slightly thin boy ATO who is in his late teens.

INT. LIVING ROOM

DUARDO: O, nagsawa ka na rin sa States?

DANNY: Hindi naman, pero mula nuong trahedya, e, minabuti na namin ni ASHA na umuwi na muna nang medyo makagaan sa loob, ‘lam mo naman ‘yung nangyari kay Lupe…

DUARDO: Ganyan lang talaga ang buhay, pare. Kahit gaano kahirap, tanggapin, may dahilan Siya sa lahat…

DANNY: Salamat, buti nga pala at pinaunlakan mo ‘yung paanyaya kong patulungin  ‘tong si ATO dito sa tindahan…

DUARDO: Asus! Para ‘yun lang, hindi rin lang ‘yan nakakapag-aral e mabuti na rin ‘yan kesa matutong mag-istambay at magbulakbol..

THE TWO COMRADES STAND AND WALK TOWARD THE KITCHEN.

DUARDO (WHISPERS THOUGH STILL AUDIBLE): Ewan ko ba d’yan sa inaanak mo, wala nang inatupag kundi gumuhit…! Sa dami ba naman ng mga chicks baranggay namin e wala akong nababalitaang sinusuyo…
             

DANNY: Gano’n ba? Naaalala ko tuloy ‘yung pagkabinata natin…

COMRADES GLANCE AT EACH OTHER, MANLY LAUGHTER FOLLOWS…

COMRADES CONTINUE TO CONVERSE, THIS TIME FADED AND BARELYAUDIBLE, BURIED BENEATH THE SOUND OF ATO’S VOICE OVER.

(V.O) ATO: Itay talaga, puro kalokohan. Pero sigurado naman akong kapag nakadale ako ng ‘di oras s’ya ‘tong unang unang mananabon sa k—

CAMERA TRACES ITS PATH OF VIEW FROM THE VARIETY STORE TO THE LIVING ROOM SOFA WHERE ATO SITS.

ATO NOTICES A LADY, PERHAPS OF SIMILAR AGE AS HIS, FROM THE VARIETY STORE INTERIORS.

FOCUS ON ATO THEN ON THE GIRL.
GIRL TURNS AROUND

ATO: Kung ganyan ang hitsura ng isang
anghel, bakit may langit pa…   

ASHA: Umm, may..dumi ba sa mukha ko..?

STARTLED, ATO SHIFTS SIGHT TO OPPOSITE DIRECTION FOR AWHILE.

ASHA: Asus! Ke laking damulag, mahiyain.
(GRINS) Joke. Asha, ikaw?
EXTENDS A HAND FOR ATO TO SHAKE

ATO: A-Ato. Pasensya ka na.
EXTENDS HIS HAND TOO, ASHA RETRIEVES HER HAND BACK BEFORE HE CAN CLASP IT.

ASHA: Actually, kilala na kita, e. <GRINS>
Ikaw ‘yung kargador ko ‘di ba?
SCENE 2

EXT. DANNY’ S RESIDENCE – EARLY MORNING

ZOOM OUT FROM ATO’S KNAPSACK, ATO WALKING TOWARD DANNY’S HOUSE.
DANNY GETTING READY TO BOARD HIS CAR

ATO: ‘Gandang umaga ho.

DANNY: O, Ato, ‘buti’t maaga ka, paalis na ko papuntang opisina, kayo nang bahala ni Asha dito.

ATO: Sige ho, ingat na lang…

INT. VARIETY STORE

A SERIES OF SCENES SHOT WITHIN THE VARIETY STORE SHOWING BOTH ASHA AND ATO, SAME CAMERA ANGLES DIFFERENT POSITION/ ARRANGEMENT, ATO EITHER READING OR DRAWING WHILE ASHA STARTS GETTING RESTLESS AND RATHER ANNOYED OF THEIR PREDICAMENT.

ASHA: Look, I can’t stand this any longer, aren’t we gonna have a conversation or somethin’?

ATO LOOKS ON BUT CONTINUE ON WHAT HE’S DOING

ASHA: Ah, I know.. hindi ba tayo maaari mag-usap?

ATO GLANCES AT ASHA, A LITTLE INSULTED.

ATO: I completely comprehend what you just said, princess, no need to translate it, thank you.

ASHA: E iyon naman pala, e! Ba’t di ka nagsasalita?! God, I don’t deserve this, I’m stuck in claustrophobic asylum with an autistic—whatever it is you call yourself. I didn’t asked for this, you know…!

ATO: Well, I didn’t asked for this either. Ano bang pinaghihimutok ng butsi mo? May ginagawa kaya ‘yung tao. ‘Yan bang natutunan mo sa States?

ASHA: … (INFURIATED, SHAKES HER HEAD AND FIX AN OMINOUS LOOK ON ATO)

ATO STARES BACK THEN LAUGHS

ATO: Maganda ka pa rin pala kapag galit…

ATO PROCEED TO THE KITCHEN, LEAVES THE SCENE, LEFT HIS SKETCHPAD ON THE TABLE HE DREW ON. SNEAKILY, ASHA TAKES A PEAK ON THE PAD. WHEN ABOUT TO FLIP ON A CERTAIN PAGE, THE PHONE RANG AND SHE WENT, LEAVING THE PAD FLIPPED OPEN. CAMERA FOCUS ON THE FLIPPED SKETCHPAD: A SKETCHED PORTRAIT OF ASHA.

SCENE 3

THE NEXT DAY, SAME SETTING

ASHA:  Hey, Ato. Pasensya ka na yesterday…

ATO: Seryoso ka na n’yan? (JOKINGLY)

ASHA: Of course, I am. I mean, since malamang, matagal din tayong magkakasama dito sa tindahan..mas makakabuti na rin sigurong maging magkaibigan tayo, ‘di ba? Mahirap magtrabaho ng may alinlangan sa kasama, right?

ATO: (SMILES) ‘K, truce then…

ATO EXTENDS A HAND AND WITH MUCH ENTHUSIASM ASHA TAPS IT INSTEAD (LIKE A GESTURE IN ‘GIVING FIVE’)

SUCCEEDING FRAME FEATURES THE TWO HAVING FUN TOGETHER DOING CHORES AT THE STORE AND OTHER ACTIVITIES; FRAMES ACCOMPANIED BY MUSIC

SETTING: AT A PARK DAY TAKING THEIR TIME OFF
MUSIC FADES; ASHA TAKES A REST BESIDES ATO WHO HAPPENS TO BE DRAWING

(V.O.)ATO: -
***
ASHA: ‘Galing mo talagang magdrawing.. idrowing mo naman ako—hindi ‘yung basta mukha lang, ha? ‘Yung as in whole body saka siempre, kamukha ko…!

ATO: Oo ba…

CHANGE OF SETTING; THE MATERBEDROOM; CAMERA TOURS FROM ONE CORNER…

(V.O.) ASHA: Duon tayo sa kwarto ni Papa bukas, ‘di daw s’ya uuwi…

(V.O) ATO: Bakit du’n pa?

(V.O.) ASHA: Basta…

…CAMERA MOTION STOPS AT THE DOOR, THE ROOM’S FAIRLY LIT MAKING A COUPLE OF SILHOUTTES FRAMED BY THE BEDROOM DOOR

ASHA CLICKS THE LIGHTS ON

ASHA: D’yan ka lang muna. Mag-aayos lang ako…

ATO FIXES HIS THINGs FOR THE PORTRAIT, ASHA ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM CLAD IN ROBES.

ASHA: Um, I forgot to tell you: I want you to draw me in my birthday suit…

ATO: Ha?! S-sigurado ka?

ASHA CONFIRMS ATO WITH A NOD AND A FRAGILE SMILE

NEXT FRAMES FEATURES THE ARTIST, SUBJECT OR CLOSE-UP OF THE ARTIST’S HAND

ASHA: Ato, you’re so stiff, er, formal, I mean.

ATO: (CAUGHT UNATTENDED)Ha?

ASHA: ‘Ka ko, mas relax pa ‘ata ako kesa sa ‘yo…! Nakakabingi pala ang pagdrodrawing..? (JOKINGLY)

ATO: (BLURTS A SIGH, THEN SMILES) ‘La lang, nagkoconcentrate kasi ‘ko… er, ‘Asha’ ba talaga ‘yung tutoo mong pangalan?

ASHA: Actually, Russian ‘yun ng ‘Alexander’…

ATO: At…

ASHA: ..At ang first name ko ay ‘Alexandra’..!

ATO: ‘Hello Alexandra’

ASHA: ha, ha.. Eh, ikaw, si ‘Ato’ ka ba talaga?

ATO: H-ha?!.. Hawthorne..Hawthorne ang pinangalan sa ‘kin…

ATO VOICED OVER THE NEXT SCENE: THE USUAL VARIETY STORE SCENARION
ASHA INVITES ATO TO TAKE A SHOT ON DRAWING HER ALA KATE WINSLET
ATO DRAWS VO ATO
ASHA WONDERS WHY NOTHING HAPPENS
(ATO PROFESSIONAL)
ASHA RECEIVES AIRMAIL
ASHA INFORMS A BF ABROAD-HE’S COMING IN
ASHA THINKS OF PLAN; ASK ATO IF ITS OK
ATO ASKS HER IF THEY’RE AN ITEM
PLAN PUSHED THROUGH
BF ARRIVES
AFTER AWHILE ATO CAN’T TAKE WHAT’S HAPPENING ANY LONGER
ATO MADE ASHA CHOOSE
ASHA FAILED TO REPLY
ATO WALKS OUT
ASHA CONFESSES TO BF
‘BF’ CONSOLES ASHA
ADMITS OF PLAN OF MARRIAGE TO OTHER GIRL AND SPILLS THAT’S THE REASON HE CAME—TO SAY GOODBYE
VO ATO
ASHA RUSHES IN
ATO STARTLED; ASHA TELLS THE STORY
ATO SAY SORRY
SAME WITH ASHA
SCENE GETS INTIMATE

crazy ferris wheel ride

Saturday, September 17th, 2005

Six years in the making huh? Haha that is if we wont count the time at burgerking, december of 2000, ei arianne? Now that’s nostalgic. Thank God for friendster indeed. i finally had the chance to meet up with journal woman and friends mazel and aviec. Such a hilarious bunch we were. Highschool folks barely changed except, they slimmed down! haha (money down guys) And may i add the change of hair styles. Well i guess that’s what six years not seeing each other do. After a helluva week, i guess i was good enough that i was somehow rewarded a friday night free. Shakey’s was the first stop, we went on ordering stuffs like party 14 inch belly buster, a pitcher of iced tea, a basket of mojos, and dont forget the sundae bar! Who cant resist ice cream? Well aviec was the ice cream expert, i only learned about it that day. The counter top was quite a mess and it really funny watching li’l kids make their ice cream art (mess, more like it). The machine supplies all the sundae you’ll need and you just have to stuff the thing with every yummy toppings available. Easy and fun? Youbetcha. But as i said, we’re with the expert.. Everybody got full quick as everyone was laughing in between bites. Stories, anecdotes and those stupid questions (di ba flight attendant si anu, bakit sya nasa building?). It’s really nasty but it’s totally hilarious talking about people, dont you think? As long as nobody crosses the limit. That day i also learned mazel has this plan of running for president- right mazel, keep your record a clean slate. Aviec is such a businesswoman slash party girl. Arianne on the other hand has a thing with cords! hehe I also learned they all frequent my blog. Hi guys! So you see that’s why i’m so nice all the sudden. Joke! Anyway, after refusing to gorge on more pizza and mojos, we went up to G4 cinemas and eyed on ’sky high’. Oh, i get to meet atan and folks who have been roaming the same area for quite a bit, too bad i cant join them (’sides, i usually had more chance going out with them than these high school folks). And surprise! Aljer’s also within the vicinity. The guy grew taller indeed. Movie time came but no mazel- she had to go home na kasi.

Sky high. How apt that i watched this movie with highschool folks. Outstanding movie, for lack of more accurate words. Certainly not just a so-so, another super hero flick. It really amuses how the tiniest of details and seemingly trivial infos were spunned together to create the plot’s twists and turns. Corny, pambata but then again, the whole thing was really well-thought, well written- even the talkies were smart! I genuinely adore them lines. Basta po, three thumbs up.

Skip forward to today, friday the 16th.
Im probably the last person to ever have faith on love or related subjects. I’m skeptic. Then again even the antithesis valentina falls for such emotions. Tang ina. I hate going through these stuffs. I feel so pathetic, so puny and small for my chair. I hate guessing. I’m no fan of confrontations, either. And i hate it that cueshe’s actually on my ears right now… There. I’ve been a prey of my own thoughts and infatuations. Damn it. I can’t even say if it’s infatuation. I’m so clueless. "Tayong dalwa hanggang kwentuhan lang" (7foot jr, daisy) Really now, i’m not in the position to argue. I’m no alpha male. Sino ba nman ako. In the first place, i can’t offer anything more. I’m not the shutterbug. This is pathetic, pointless. I’m pathetic and pointless. Having said so, i’m no date candidate for anyone by now. Yesterday, i was okay. Damn it. Do you agree, there aint real jokes since jokes root from reality. He may be joking all the time, but i know, he meant it. He’s taking her away, not that i own her. They had this thing going since day one. I was just too stupid to even immense myself into such situation. I fell for her unintentionally. Stupid cupid. Just all about wrong timing. Not now. Not like this. When i ‘ve been lying to myself all along, that i was over it. Magpaalam ba. Why do you even have to bother. God, i’ve ran out of expletives. I need a distraction. There’s a thin line between a sanity and otherwise. And i guess i’ve just filled in that blank. Then all the sudden, nothing makes much sense. Not the work. Not my esteem. Not life right now. Escape. Dive. Splash.

Breathe. Tonight i finished cigarettes as much as the fingers on my left hand. No reason. No drinking session. No gig whatsoever. And it felt like i only smoked a stick. All within forty five minutes? Focus. Think. Nothing. A so-so morning from a so-so day. The whole time, i did smile. I did laugh. Conversed. Mingled. But none of those mirrored what i’ve been feeling. My thoughts havent been so kind as of late. Had the hardest time figuring the sense of things. Stop reading this blog, it’s intoxicated. I guess by this time they had a hell of their time. Had the best night. While me, neck deep in workshit. Simplicated shit. I want to shout. It’s five in the morning. I want to shout. People are sleeping. I had enough shower. Still got a line up of things at hand. Tulala, wlalang laman ang hapong mata. Tulog na lang, tulog na lang ang hinaharap na ligaya. I want to sleep back home. Honest. I’m creatively drained. I’m extra uninspired. Extra soapy. I hate a lot of things. I hate myself. I hate being that stupid kid. I hate being that thin, nerdy, wide-eyed kid who never knew what the fuck those street games were. I hate it i never learned to bike. I hate it that i can beat my mom in a game of scrabble as a kid. I hate the fact i trust people too fast. I hate the fact i cant trust myself. I hate the fact that onl’s pinoy ako is played in the kapamilya channel. I hate it that i was the last person to realize they sang that song. But i still love ice cream. I hate it that i make a lousy ice cream sundae from shakeys. I hate the place’s pizza by the way. I dont care i havent seen all the dvds out there. I hate it i cant manage my own money. I hate it when people read my blog and think they’re so special or popular that i soiled they’re oh-so pristine reputation. It’s more pathetic. I hate it i haven’t actually watched gremlins. Hate something too? Join the club. I hate the fact there’s really no one to confide. All the conversations end with an annoying silence and lost of words. I like it that blogs never complain, but they do pass everything around. Of course, silly. I hate it when we’re suppose to take notes when society dictates something. I hate it i cant see my keyboard properly. I hate it i missed another gym night. I hate the fact that all my so-called infatuations are actually taken if not preoccupied, or just plain ‘cannot be’. I hate it that i intimidate a few people just by talking or writing. I hate it when people say things when they mean otherwise. We can’t be young forever, now if i can only recall a sliver of my childhood. I hate it i cant recall i’ve been a peter pan. It’s funny people comment my blog’s lengthy yet read it just the same. I hate it that my life’s such a crazy ferris wheel ride. I’m bound to die with my work-workout-coffee-work-gimmick-beer-work routine. Who wouldnt die anyway? Gonna die insane. Gonna die a womanizer. Gonna die a workaholic. It runs in the family. I hate it when people make fun of my family or the lack thereof. I hate it when people think i dont own a house. I hate it i dont have all the keys for the door. I hate knocking at doors and spending a good few minutes waiting. I hate it when people think i’m so fucking innocent and harmless. I hate it when they think otherwise. I hate it that i think before i do it. I hate it when i dont think when doing it. I hate my energy gauge. I hate my skin. I want to peel away from myself sometimes. I hate it that my ex was my friend’s infatuation. I hate it i’m on the other side of the fence now. I hate it that there’s such a fence. I hate it that i’ve written another crap. I thought i like mymp. I hate the fact i have to rent some place else just to blog. i hate all the fuss about blogging shit. I’m tired of discussing blogs per se. I thought i had a best bud. But then we talk too much of ourselves. Just ‘nother coincidence. I hate it i have a busted table lamp and a broken pair of eyeglasses. Right now, i dont care since idunno. I want to shout. You know, he likes you. I’ll go to hell now. ******-***

Is it right to choose? Work. Relationship. Friends. Arts. Music. Family. Aint there an ‘all of the above’? Stupid extreme balance. No such thing. Ended up with nothing. And the equally maddening ac unit’s chilling me so bad. I’m extra confused. Right now, i dont care since idunno. Tama ba na aminin na nating my taning. Wala na raw tayong mga kabataan sa ating mga ulo. You with the sad eyes… lecheng media player.

Natapos mo na ba, panu sisimulan? Ayoko lang naman, may masagasaan. Anung sinabi mo, anong sinabi nya?… May nasasaktan, may naghihintay, may umaasa, di mapalagay, anung plano mo? mahal mo pa ba siya? …nahihirapan nang umibig ng lihim (cambio)

I‘m falling. Breaking into pieces. I’m drowning, choking into pieces. i will survive… Love becomes a silly, silly game played by fools (twisted halo) -headbang material

Blogshit.

Wla nang magagawa kundi tumawa.

nostalgic

Saturday, September 17th, 2005

‘Found myself rummaging through old word files and found the folder aptly named ‘writings’. They were a number of writing assignments during my college years and i was quite amused of myself that i actually wrote them. The characters involved then right now are in a blur, but names were sure mentioned.  There was also this other folder named ‘postal’. They were my snail and email to my dad then, being my benefactor. I realize that since i never really kept  a journal of sort, blogs were never heard then, if i wasnt writing for school requirements, my writing prowess (naks) were poured on writing my dad letters. They were lengthy and just like my current blog, pretty much rants abound. Although raves are also present. Just for safekeeping and memories’ sake i figure: why not post those early writings. No, not the letters, just some of the said assignments. I’ll keep this updated since they were a few… i think it’s ok to keep it all in a single post…

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a vision five years hence faad4a

Almost everybody has this idea of their future in a nutshell. I rather keep mine simple. And no, five years from now, I have no intention to go out and save the world the way superheroes do, even if I happen to be as dashing as Neo by then. I guess, I’ll consider that after another five years.

Even then, I believe I have the capacity to do things way better than those so-called ‘superheroes’. Superheroes are written to amuse, real people, on the other hand, has the ability to make a difference. Well, everybody has such ability; it’s just a matter of dedication and proper motivation. ‘Just a matter of filling the answers on the overlooked ‘why’s. Why do this and that when it’s easier with this other more common way? I sense that as advertisers of the future, we’re about to encounter similar situations; deciding which is far most important: sums of sales or tons of values delivered. The right thing to do is almost always obvious to notice, but then again not most people stick to those so-called right. ‘Here’s hoping none of our batch be a prey to such dark thought.
I speak of such things like I was accustomed to them for years; let’s just say I had a share of life, the hard way. But ask me whether I’ve answered the ‘whys’ of my life, my answer is not yet, not totally. I have always believed that I’m on this quest of finding myself, the ‘self’ I lost to the shadow of my parents. And now that I’m old enough, a part of my vision is to emulate the honorable things they’ve exemplified and to avoid doing similar mistakes. It’s going to be a pretty complicated vision if I’m going to focus firsthand on the bigger picture, like changing the world like a US president. I rather start with the smaller blocks: myself and the environment I’m in. But then again, changes are not at all times welcome, so I’m open to the idea of space.

A fraction of my vision for five years will perhaps cover self-improvement that I wasn’t able to accommodate these days since I’m just a student. And that self-improvement will give way to the confidence I oh-so need to handle whatever tasks assigned to me. There is actually this obvious pattern, it’s like a wave of events that sweeps one another to the bigger ocean, one thing leads to another that is. When given works to accomplish, it can be a way to let others see my talents in action, deliver clear messages in a creative manner. Picture it as power every advertiser, with a short prayer, can summon anytime.

With great power come great responsibilities. Being pawns of the advertising industry, advertisers has outstanding access to the society thereby having such significant impact for every TV commercial flashed, every poster printed, every radio ad announced. My next bigger vision, perhaps a life vision, is to alleviate the country’s economic status through advertising. Instead of making the rich, richer and the poor, poorer, I believe there is still a way to make the rich help the poor, and the poor gets properly educated so they won’t be poorly treated and lead stray paths of life. A big vision coming from just one undergraduate guy, yes. But who says I’m on this alone? I’ve got the whole industry, and everyone else that it touches, to back me up. A pipe dream? Perhaps. But hey, I believe in the industry’s integrity. I’m in Advertising, this is my calling and I’m here to stay–hoping to keep that bigger vision from being just a hallucination. 

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economics|me and inflation: an essay fa1-07

Not everything that goes up usually goes down, and, not everything that goes up is a good thing –think of prices. Think of inflation. Inflation nowadays is a serious matter to be simply ignored, everybody is concerned since we don’t live by bread alone, frankly, we need monetary means to survive in this urban jungle we live in –we need the other kind of ‘bread’.

It could have been a lot easier if prices persistently rise if the workers’ salaries rise along. But this isn’t usually the case. Inflation is an old and global matter defined as a persistent increase in the level of consumer prices or a persistent decline in the purchasing power of money. It basically results from two things: increase in available currency and credit beyond the proportion of available goods and services. But for me it is simply a period wherein I can no longer buy anything not because I don’t have money but because they just aren’t enough. Ever wonder why our currencies’ sizes keeps getting smaller? I guess it’s because of inflation. It somehow fools you that you can have a lot on your palm but in truth, you really need a lot to buy so meager, somewhat a card stacking propaganda trick. To think that was only my case, imagine how the person who works for my allowance feels…

But no, since prices’ only way is up, we can only do so little to mellow the effects of inflation. I’ve read three policies in facing hikes: 1) Inflation due to excessive demand or, or demand-pull inflation can be controlled theoretically by dampening demand through either monetary or fiscal policy or both. 2) Cost-push inflation from rising prices is more difficult to handle than that which arises from the increased peso cost of imported goods. Devaluation can be toned down. This is mainly the object of the trade policy. In principle, in order not to provoke abrupt cost increases, devaluation have to moderate and well timed. 3) Cost-push and structural inflation arising from agriculture can be licked. The answer lies in raising dramatically the level of productivity in this sector, through training and education and the provision of the government of the necessary infrastructures–irrigation, storage, credit, transportation facilities. In conclusion, inflation can not be combated by a single sector, everyone must cooperate and do their part if they don’t want inflation to be a pain on their backs.

Other than those above, the only thing left is to bear with it. Of course one can always work harder but a higher pay is never assured, somehow this dampens a laborer’s working attitude –just don’t get intimidated inflation is here to stay.   

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msce|image of a hero fa1-07

This, (drawing of an upright arrow) isn’t a character.
I don’t know about you guys but I don’t have a hero the same way you might be thinking. Not because I like the animé Evangelion, it doesn’t make Shinji my hero—‘coz I don’t believe in that crap. I don’t believe we should have someone to admire, to look-up to, to follow someone else’s footsteps, whatsoever, we’re no longer kids…I believe we should be our own heroes, set as an example for others. I believe that we should be the one admired not the one admiring…
What is a hero? I hear it’s a person who saves the day in any manner he is capable of. So, if we could all be heroes… then there won’t be a problem in the world. So… this, my drawing, is simply an arrow, to whomever it points to means that that person is capable of being or is already a hero—that could be anyone… or that could be everyone…

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msced 329 seminar reaction|filipino culture with mr. felipe de leon faad4b

It was Friday, November 7, 2003, and I was one of the few squares who haven’t seen Matrix: Revolution, you know, that third part of the trilogy, to end all trilogies. We attended our first seminar on Filipino culture for our MSCED instead. It lasted about a couple of hours, not as long as Matrix, I heard, but I guess we’ve been to a couple thousand years of Filipino culture—and boy, was it a ride.

For starters, the word ‘culture’ is a verb and it means ‘to cultivate’, ‘nourish’. It is not synonymous to the arts, as Mr. Felipe de Leon puts it, rather, the arts is a mere subordinate of culture. Culture is just about everything about us. That is because when we talk of culture, we’re talking everything that is man made. Everything else would be ‘nature’. Filipino culture would then pertain to every Filipino detail in everything we do, we’ve done and we’re about do.

It doesn’t require a book or a speaker to notice we indeed have a rich culture, that even after foreign occupations, we’ve been evident with such. Most of these are Filipino traits like being close to the family, ingenuity, and camaraderie. One realization our speaker points out, though, is why cellular services are very much active in the country. It’s because of the Filipino’s need to communicate, to keep in touch. One more thing is the way we text our message, pretty much like our old system of writing, alibata, since it’s syllabicated.

Mr. de Leon stressed that it’s been with us ever since, all those traits, good or bad, even through foreign occupations, our culture barely changes. If this is true, then it bothers me.. If Filipinos been like this way back two thousand years ago, are we bound to stay like this, non-progressive and mere family centered? Don’t get me wrong, it’s such a good trait and good foundation to be family centered but when will be the time we take this closeness and concern to the next level? Until we concentrate on other than individual concerns like our archipelago, no scholars can really save the country from degeneration. If Filipino culture is pretty much selective, then Filipinos are not as adaptive as I thought we’ve been.

We have a rich culture, yes, but up until the time we are able to step out of the comfort zone that is our culture itself, then I guess we’re stuck in retrograde.

The seminar has been enlightening and Mr. de Leon’s been more than generous to shares his insights about the subject matter. Thanks to him, the seminar became spontaneous and not at all boring. I guess, once in a while we do need such seminars, think about what’s what and whys. I’m looking forward for the upcoming seminars of the MSCED (Moral, Social, Civic Ed). You read that right. 

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graphic arts| vitality upon paper: a reaction faad3b

“Printmaking, printmaking, printmaking…” that’s just how it sounded to me before—just plain ol’ boring (and messy) printmaking. But as said, that was before—before the class actually started and way back we were given the chance to watch Travel Time’s episode, “Vitality Upon Paper.” ‘Got to admit that profs and a little edu-tour sure help on enticing a students’ interest on just about anything.

The only thing I found true with my introduction was the ol’ part. That is so since printmaking traces its origin back to the time when people discovered paper and they found it helpful to use the same principle in disseminating information. It then later evolved into an art form and further evolving up to this time, branching out into different types. Anyway, it will still be printmaking as long as it has artistic intent and is a transfer from the printing element onto paper.

Plain? Not really, not even close. Now that I’m enlightened, I don’t think that there’s such a thing as plain print. Printmaking may have all those rules for an art to be a fine print but then again, the creativity you can apply for such visual art practically cannot be boxed. Unless you let your own creativity be…

Printmaking is all about expression. It must directly involve the artist in the process, lest it cannot be called a fine print. It is an artist’s outlet for his ego and ideas.. Each stroke the artist makes will make this fact evident. In printmaking, skills and creativity works side by side for an artist, a printmaker, to express him/herself. Such skills may consume some physical energy making the process a bit exhausting (a very good example the planographic process). But as BenCab said, such chore gives them a sense of reward. Especially when they were challenged doing it.

I guess,  if one want to get a name in the Arts, one must consider getting hooked with printmaking since the club isn’t that populated. It’s been said that in the Philippines, printmaking is not that popular. Now that’s a sad fact. The art ‘s been very much appreciated in other prestigious countries, and it’s a shame, really, that very few Filipinos embark on printmaking. Meaning, very few of those artists actually experiences the thrill of doing a fine print. A number of printmakers were featured in that Travel Time episode and presented were their impressive works—BenCab’s ‘juxtaposed” works, Mep’ montage and Impy’s silkscreen just to name a few. As quick-demonstrated in that video, some of those artist adapt tedious processes in their works and no, you won’t find any of them complaining. I guess you can actually do anything (fine prints in this case) if you simply put your heart into it. It’s easy to recognize such attitudes in their faces. It’s clear that this artform is not boring at all. 

Printmaking is a vast from of visual arts in itself. Etching, chine collé, lithograph, serigraph and all those other highfalutin words we seldom hear. What’s amazing to note is that most of these techniques/ processes can produce multi-originals or editions. A fine print is also said to be a number of notches cheaper than a painting. This fact makes a print more affordable to collectors. And another thing is that a printmaker can keep an edition for himself. Because of this quality, a fine print have a farther reach than a painting and simultaneous at that. I believe somewhere in “Vitality upon paper” it was mentioned that printmaking democratizes art. And it does.

Bottom line, printmaking is not a mere subject we to take up, rather, it is work wherein we can channel fun from and perhaps later on, earn from.  If done with a more social perspective, one can even promote social awareness through his works, knowing that printmaking has a broader audience than the other arts.
Being a Fine Arts undergraduate myself who is taking up, Graphic Arts, I’m a bit excited how my first print would come out. But I suppose all it takes is getting in touch with my own self and applying diligently those bits and pieces I learned from “Vitality Upon Paper” and of course from Ma’am Ambie. Perhaps someday, with enough skills and confidence my works will be viewed by students like we were, watching a video in a boobtube inside the class. But for now, Graphic arts would be “Printmaking, printmaking, printmaking!”

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public letter/s

In the following posts, i really can’t recall whether i did actually made them public. Nevertheless, it just shows i had a history of speaking my mind albeit people might consider it risque or taboo…

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Mrs. Whatsherfirstnameagain Galindo
GESS 214, Philippine Literature Professor
FA1-07, Batch 00-01

Madam:

I hate to do this but…

I don’t like you, not personally, no, it is just that your teaching approach seems…rotten. It sucks. Aside from your annoying echo-like voice that seems like coming from afar, maybe it’s your imposed activities. You give rules, guidelines the moment some of us had already submitted (the projects). And we get minus points for that. Or maybe it’s in your exams that makes me wonder. You say your subject and tests are difficult while in fact, it isn’t. And while in fact, it is you who make it all difficult. In our supposed open-lecture (photocopies) type exams, you give very specific question not even found in the lectures…! The answers, supposedly gotten from our research, can’t possibly be found. You see, a library is quite a big room filled with books about Philippine Literature, and it is quite physically impossible for us to have gone through the very same books you’ve used as basis…the answers are too wordy specific that you gave us the first letter, not thinking that there are some other synonyms for that. But then, to your class’ delight, you are the one who feeds us clues and all those bonuses. What kind of lesson are you teaching your students? You are teaching them to be very dependent. Also, I think you are making a great deal of profit with your photocopying business, in exchange for a student’s decent grade. Anyway, what good is it to have a grade of 1.75 when almost everyone got one point seventy five? You even doubted (well, it seems to me) my 1.25 pre-lim grade, which when not your transmutation table is consulted, I’ll say doesn’t deserve me (98 = 1.25?). Skepticism wasn’t the reaction I was expecting then. What’s worse is that you are making a fool of yourself passing undeserving student. You are letting yourself get used for reasons not clear to me. What good is it passing a subject when in fact nobody really learned a significant something, heck, it is very obvious students are attending your class for attendance which you say is ten points. I don’t advise you to be mean to your class but I appeal for you to teach in a manner that students under your charge will really learn, perhaps even encourage them to stand and fend for themselves. After all, the idea of being a professor is sharing your gained knowledge to your assigned classes, and not to let them develop dependence and some other habits, say cheating..? When a student starts doing so, it simply means he didn’t develop the kind of interest he should have. He wasn’t stimulated by the subject. He didn’t give it a whim because he thinks that his professor is considerate, i.e. apathetic.

Still, I pity Philippine Women’s University to have such item, more so, I hope next time, you can prove me otherwise.

Mawalang-galang na po,

Student A0020022
FA1-07, Batch 00-01      

So there, a piece of my conscience finally clears…

“Is The Philippine Women’s University maka-Macoy?” (I hate to think so myself but with Madam Imelda visiting the campus and the like, kinda gives away a hint.)

Have you guys ever felt being in the brink of lateness then something else uncalled for happens? Well, it was Friday and I was already late (my fault actually but that’s a story for another day), I flashed my ID to avoid further ado then I was barred from entering… the guard noticed my black undershirt. But what’s the big deal when I go to school everyday with colored undershirts…! Nakakahiya sa mga bisita. That was their reason. To think, moments later a hundred other students were freely roaming the campus in civilian clothes! And I was barred because I wore a black undershirt-meaning I still had my uniform… But all the same these guard still cut a big deal of my time. They weren’t doing such for student’s safety rather, for the guests’ eyes. Sinong nakakahiya? What is there to hide or be ashamed of? If the administration happened to be lax most of the time, why be strict so sudden? Guests… Is this institution made up for them? What is ‘nakakahiya’ is that they should be doing that everyday, not just for the guests.

Why is it when other guys complain about the paper being late, you guys sound like complaining yourselves? We share the same sentiments about writing and I understand working in a paper is one hell of a sacrifice but still when you people talk about your paper, the attention is focused on how hard it is for you. Don’t you have other things to talk about than the paper itself? Please don’t react on this, lest the cycle will start all over again.

The university’s computer labs need a load of attention. Some mouse, or should I say mice, are very much out of order if there are some at all. And in worse case scenario, goddamn Internet Station can’t get online…! So much for our compulsory 500 bucks. Don’t students like me deserve to get the kind of service our money worth? Sa’n napupunta? Something to ponder about…

A Smoker’s Point Of View

Every time I smoke I literally feel that half a day of my life is being lost. Yes, cigarette smoking is indeed slow suicide. How many of those so-called smokers like me are not aware that, as that government warning says, smoking is bad to your health? But then, I smoke for some reasons, reasons all my own. The very fact that I smoke means I know what I’m doing, for I didn’t started smoking because others are in to it nor did I started smoking because some people told me to. Neither will I stop smoking at other’s say-so. This is just my way of saying we do make our own destinies. Nevertheless we shouldn’t be fussy of our own smoke, because tagged with this task is the tough fact that there are consequences. And that there are limits- ours’ and others’. We have our respected sphere of rights. We have our own ways of expressing ourselves but I don’t think absurd vandalism (say, making an uno stacko, or perhaps a second Tower of Pisa, out of damned armchairs) is not one of those ways…

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a supposed public letter after first yr first sem

FA1-07 Batch A00-01:

I hate bidding farewells, but then again I have my reasons. The idea had bothered me for quite sometime that I can no longer not give a damn. A banshee who wooed me on sleepless nights. I felt that I just have to go. Heed a call long lost since circa 1999. Hopefully, this is my destined route. Nevertheless, my short-lived stay being an FA1-07 has been an untrivial piece in my so-called jigsaw puzzle life. Wherever I may go, I’ll boast on others that there was this section FA1-07, and that I was part of it. Though different roads we might be taking by now, I hope us all nothing but a clear future in what others term as a walang pera d’yan course. So be it a time shall come when we’ll all prove them wrong.

Farewell, ‘til our paths cross anew…

Always,

Student A0020022
FA1-07/ A00-01

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social studies term paper excerpt

It’s amusing i already forgot i wrote this. ‘Found this excerpt at the bottom part of the so-called term paper on Filipino traits and culture (ithink). The funny part was, i guess i was quite enraged then, the letters were screamingly in bold faces.

9. Report on a conflict incident in your school. Why did not SIR (i cant recall what this SIR meant) prevent this conflict?

I got a ‘5’, a failing grade in one subject which dashed my goal of graduating with honors. Miscommunication and misunderstanding, hiya, amor propio, a hint of authoritarianism and finally resignation and tolerance came into play. SIR patterns mere later resorted to such as the use of polite language, soft voice, gentle manner and indirect approaches like employing an intermediary and pakiusap.

The deadline for submission of grades came and passed without me being aware I was the lone  student who got a 5 (of all the forty plus students),  to think I passed both my prelim and midterm and to think those who barely lift a finger in his class passed (!).. Due to lack of information (student handbooks came a couple of years late) and strain from setting an appointment (it was summer vacation, by the way) with Mr. Ceferino Alano (the so-called MSCE instructor, who had the guts to give me such grade, to think he can’t even string the right words for an English sentence). Apparently, my teacher didn’t learned to be flexible enough so as not set a good example for rotten Filipino traits he’s been ‘teaching’ us in class, such as being too emotional and personalistic, not to mention narrow minded. I think, as a teacher that he wants us to believe, he should take on negative remarks as constructive criticism to further hone his craft, that is if he’s not using teaching in college a escapegoat for earning a living. My only mistake was being quite verbal of my thoughts, without me knowing he’s planning to stab me at the back, and I guess letting my temper get the best of me. I mean, come on, if the university wants something to add that is suppossedly important such as these MSCED, perhaps they should appoint advisers able enough to handle it, in a way it will really have the prestige like the major subjects. Also, the class should not bear an elementary school atmosphere, kinda makes you feel stupid, nobody learns a thing. Perhaps one can’t get everything, one will really stumble on those kind of people once in a while, thankfully, I’m a genuine Filipino— I adapt.

*

speech for freshmen ball fa1-07

Dr. Dolores B. Lasan, Chancellor, PWU Campus; Mrs. Julita Dado, Vice President, Finance and Administration; Dr. Nenita Cura, Dean, College of Arts and Sciences; Mrs Liwayway Dapito, Head, Freshman Division; Deans, Department Heads, Guests, ladies and gentlemen, good evening…

Not because I happened to be the first Fine Arts representative, and a male, to have the honor of being the year’s most outstanding freshman, it follows that former Fine Arts and male freshmen were no-brainers. I don’t think so, maybe they were merely uninterested or perhaps just didn’t gave it a try. I believe that the ten of us here had set a very good example to everyone. But it gets a tad lonely when you are so few, ten. So when the next opportunity knocks, answer it, you’ll never know. Because in the game of life winners are those who try, for they are brave enough to face the uncertainties that is behind the big question mark: who will win, who will be so and so, what will happen next…
Indeed, this contest has brought about things that I myself wasn’t aware I’m capable of. Even my long hardened fear of expressing my ideas in front of important people diminished when I finally realized that that fear can’t harm me. It taught me to do my best so that I’ll know more about myself. Also, I learned that I, like everybody else, can in fact make a difference.
Life gets boring when you subject yourselves to routines. Introduce a change into your lives. Make a difference. Be positive. Be confident. Believe in yourselves that you can. Remember that a month from now we will no longer be freshmen. Then three more years or so, we will be going out there in the real world tasked to fulfill our great responsibilities as professionals. The picture of tomorrow is determined by how clear we see ourselves.  Until that tomorrow comes, strive hard, make the most of your stay in this institution for it’s not only for your own good but also for the country’s, or perhaps the world’s. I like to share a motto I had learned to live by: “the only reason that’s keeping me alive today is the question ‘why am I still alive?’” I believe that there is a reason for life and if you wish to know it, let Him answer you through your quest by living your life to the fullest, exploring all the possibilities, trying a lot of good things, and when you finally find where you fit, start anew, do all the best in your proficiency to do your part. Don’t ever forget to have faith. I reckon that the ten of us have not done it alone.
Also, bear in mind that we are human beings entitled with will. We are our own authorities. We have the power to do what we wish, more so, to choose between good and bad, or master the skill of balancing both. What the other nine and I had manifested in the search is simply a foretaste, an iota of what the rest of you can do.
And finally, I would like to take this chance to thank a lot good people responsible for honing students: our Deans, different faculties, guidance personnel, DSA, people in the Academics Office-Freshmen Division, professors, and fellow students, especially the bunch from FA1-07. And of course Owen Ofiana, our president, without whose efforts I won’t be the one speaking in front of you tonight.
So fellow freshmen, this is our night. Consider this event as a cherry to top the hard work we had put to our fresh start in college. In behalf of the nine other awardees, I ask everyone to enjoy the night and may God bless us all.

I cant recall though if this was the actual version. Sheessh. I should listen to me sometimes. During that freaky incident in front of everybody, i can tell the crowd has grown furious since i was apparently delaying dinner..

limbo rock

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

This is really sick. Although i am well aware there are people who genuinely care for, love me, i just cannot shrug off the feeling of loneliness. What’s that word? Depressed? Emo. Funked. I pledged that once i’m back blogging it’ll be positive. Hell, got rid of the rage lately alright but, no i dont want to think these are all the sides of my coin. Anger and sadness. I generally feel useless. As if my efforts to get a life is futile and a mere nonsense. And yet there’s more, i seldom felt the claws of jealousy clutching my thoughts when in fact, i’ve got no right to be jealous at all. Look who’s pathetic now, marco. Pointless and no direction. I can’t even feel my work volume. Can’t focus yet, i’ve lost my will. At the end of the day, i find myself empty inside. It’s a good thing though, i’m finally noticing it. I long for someone, yet definitely am not fit to be with anybody, at least for now. God, the loneliness is almost dangerous. Am drifting. Floating away. Detached. Gone. It sucks to know you’re just a nobody. And to quote a toothpaste tvc: a sea of strangers where everybody is just a face. I’ll stand out with a smile alright, that day just aint now.

So okay, when you care for someone, you tell them so they’ll know. Simple. Then what? You ‘just forget about it’. Wala lang. When do you finally know you found that person? You just know. The hard part is how to know whether that person reciprocate whatever you felt. Limbo-shit.

Sometimes it’s much simpler to think people couple-up just for sex. But then people really aint that simple. People complicate things. And by association: am no alien being, no matter how detached i am, since i tend to complicate myself. Weird. Weirder. Artist tend to be different from the rest of the herd. But then i myself at times am ill-fitted with company of artists. During college, i actually liked my hated subjects like algebra, computer, english and economics. And i tend to over think. You dont exactly think art, ‘just happen. But if i’m no artist, i really dont have any other term. Ah yes, nobody.

Piece of crap. Am not iced espresso charged, yet still got a quadruple of chores to finish. Is that complaining? You tell me. It’s a statement, period. Since it’s a fact. An emotionless fact. I cant feel the pressure. Am not saying am asking for more. Marco, stop explaining. Geez, i sure talk a lot. Okay, ‘write’ a lot. wtf

And while i’m here blabbing, may i note that if ever opm is a tangible entity, i’ll vote for him/her for president. Twice. Filipinos are musical aspirants. Pure talent, potential or manifested, indie or mainstream. I hereby stand witness to these facts.

More than a couple of weeks ago, during one bad weather, i had the chance to attend astroholiday, an acquaintance party back at ol’ Institute of Fine Arts and Design. Mayric’s Ark (?spelled-right), lysosome, kidlat club and a lot else. One new band, new to me at least, zeroshift got my attention- composed of boyish youngsters with cool scores. Yun lang, they can use better ice breakers and more confidence. But excellent songs. The party also had this other invited band with a cute female vocalist. To our suprise, heavy electronica! That petite lady roared quite a lot. i like her haunting hymns though. Too bad the school’s security limited the party, leaving ol’ kidlat club with just one song. speaking of security, for an alumni, i sure had trouble entering the school’s premises. Good thing the oic of the acquiantance party, dazzle, came along. I get to meet old friends and classmates. And some new folks, too.

After the said acquintance, we proceeded to malate. Abas was the place. Very resort-like and spacey. Guess what, the music continued as some of the band people jammed with the bar’s musicians. Candid and comical. And then some dance steps lessons at vega-j. First time for everything. I had fun albeit puking my way home. Fun and embarassment can sure happen next to the other, huh?

During my ‘missing’ weeks, i had the chance to actually file a leave to accommodate identification errands. Well, since you see, i’m a nobody i need ids to open a bank account. Joke. But seriously i barely have valid ids, i better work on it still. I finally applied for postal id, to much of my dismay, aint good enough for banks. I been through all the hassle, going to manila post office and all, oh well, at least once i apply for a passport, i have a requirement. And i also visited my alma mater for my long planned alumni id application. I actually alloted my early morning for it, but then, nine-thirty came and the cashier aint open yet. Shame. And so wearing my new sumo shirt i road a jeepney to post office, went to araneta for printing errands, then to cubao, had a few dollars exchanged (thanks dad! Hey, it aint my birthday..), reclaimed my (long) pawned slr eos cam, and finally rode a couple of trains back to ol’ women’s. Then i went malling at robinson’s place manila. sure is the first time after a real long while. Fitness first? Yep, right up the third floor in front of the escalator. Kinda give me weird feelings. But where comic oddysey went, i have no idea. I tried a couple of arcade games but then the lack of sleep (i havent had the chance since i finished a coupons booklet the night before) i suck! I figure, even video games need steady practice. Funny i sorta think it’s a waste of money, now when i can actually afford playing all day. Anyway, there aint much new games to get excited about. AND THEN, the waiting. I thought we’ll be watching a movie other than chocolate factory. But then she’s quite busy and there aint good movies other than the said one. Photography classes. Cinematography project. I honestly understand. And it’s quite nice of her meeting up with still later that tiring day. Ah yes, i went to see charlie and the chocolate factory all by my lonesome. Funny part is, i drifted the whole, ithink, two-thirds of the movie, dazzle’s call woke me up, she had a few messages already that i failed to read. Really embarassing but then, i understand myself. The guy need some sleep. At least an expensive movie, is still way cheaper than the motels.

Ah, how weeks fly so fast! Next thing you know, it’s another friday. And though we sure miss saguijo, the music’s quite alive wherever we go. Rockestra. Rockestra. Rockestra. I had that in mind since cambio plugged it in their gig. I cannot not go. I sure still got spare bucks but the last time i checked, we checked the wrong ticketing station. August nineteen came i was stll undecided whether i would pursue it. I wanted some company- Aileen would be nice. But as usual, impromptu invites never work. Sayang. Then i texted daz. She sounded pretty preoccuppied, so i didnt started the concert idea, lest she might get dismayed. But i really wanted to go. Atan was last minute-willing, if i’ll pay for his ticket at the moment. And so we grabbed a cab and had it toss us to– cultural center of the philippines. WAit a MinUte! Rockestra’s at the other venue, folk arts theater! We paid a cab to have us walking. But ’tis ok, we were suppose to hit the gym that night anyway.

We had a good seat, second to the most expensive. Honestly for what we’re suppose to partake on, the rates were really cheap, for lack of better words. Manila symphony orchestra - cambio - imago - silent sanctuary - twisted halo - sugarfree - sandwich. Just reading these names kinda makes a review obsolete. Pretty outstanding, plus- trish cohosted the event! It’s like one big, a bit refined, saguijo. The important message of the event was, the idea is filipino music- genre must and cannot demarcate filipino talents. Imagine, rockestra = rock + orchestra. Two worlds all been thought will collide that night created musical harmony. Basta astig! And as always, aia was adorable. I swear she was itching to dance her anino song. Too bad the crowd aint that familiar to all the band, i pity they cant enjoy as much as us. And atan. Behave you party animal! Haha. They capped the event with almost all of the performers singing some hip patriotic song. Ahh, you should have seen these people. And these people kinda makes my association as a filipino - well, makes me damn proud i’m brown and pinoy. Genius! Congratulations are also sent to chino david of both mso and silent sanctuary, the event and musical score were his brainchild. Now, there a genius!

Saturday wasnt bad either. Just chilling at abas and dropping by at pier one. We had a nice time helping out daz with her copywriting assignment. The next day, sunday, i was late at intramuros for her supposed photoshoot. Good thing atan was there to help out, too. But then, mr sun went down too soon. Not to worry though, she liked the shots and continued the shooting the following days. Amusing kiddo.

I barely check my friendster and email account as of late. It amuses me that messages do pile up. And gee, others have been updating their blogs. And reading through bulletins, i read a handful of interesting  stuffs and some other horrible ones. I heard his name. Wolfmann. Cool name. All i know was he’s a pioneer of electronica in the country. Heavy stuff. Then you’ll come across a bulletin paying tribute to the guy. Wolfmann passed away august 23rd. He made his mark. Outstanding for a guy his age. He was comatosed after hours watching the successful rockestra. And then the twenty third came. What sucks here is havent had the chance to even watch him perform. For sure everyone  will be mourning. Sleep had set you free. Rock the heavens, sir.

….

What’s with the color maroon? College’s color. The company’s color. I  kinda fancy it myself, too. And if i were dropped out of high school, i’ll be wearing the maroon uniform of arellano high, hehe. wala lang, seems like every online personality tests fits me, whether color tests(colorgenics.com), name meanings, those crap. Except of course the li’l juan thingie, hahahaha!

If your birthday is on  ……  Scroll down to find out about your  nature …..               
          
December 23rd - January 1st
Red

January 2nd - January 11th
Orange

January 12th - January 24th
Yellow

January 25th - February 3
Pink

February 4th - February 8th
Blue

February 9th - February 18th
Green

February 19th - February 28th
Brown

March 1st - March 10th
Aqua

March 11 - March 20th
Lime

March 21 st
Black

March 22 nd - March 31st
Purple

April 1st - April 10th
Navy

April 11th - April 20th
Silver

April 21st - April 30th
White

May 2nd - May 14th
Blue

May 15th - May 24th
Gold

May 25th - June 3rd
Cream

June 4th - June13th
Gray

June 14 - June 23rd
Maroon

June 24th
Gray

June 25 - July 4th
Red

July 5th - July 14th
Orange

July 15th - July 25 th
Yellow

July 26th - August 4 th
Pink

August 5th - August 13th
Blue

August 14th - August 23rd
Green

August 24 - September 2nd
Brown

September 3rd - September12th
Aqua

September 13th - September 22nd
Lime

September 23rd
Olive

September 24th - October 3rd
Purple

October 4th - October 13th
Nave

October 14th - October 23rd
Silver

October 24 - November 11th
White

November 12th - November 21st
Gold

November 22nd - December1st
Cream

December 2nd - December11th
Gray

December 12th - December 21st
Maroon

December 22nd
Teal

 

RED
Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love …and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.

CREAM
Competitive and sportive. Don’t like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don’t fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don’t let go for a long long time.

TEAL
You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.

GREY
You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express everything that’s inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don’t like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people’s day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.

GREEN
You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people’s feelings by your words… You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.

GOLD
You know what’s right and what’s wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It’s hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won’t be able to fall in love again for a long time.

PINK
You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.

YELLOW
You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.

MAROON
You are intelligent, and know what’s right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people’s feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love… Once you get a hold of the right person, it’s hard for you to find a better love.   

ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.   

PURPLE
You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for person that’s trustworthy.

LIME
You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can’t get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

SILVER
You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.

WHITE
You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don’t react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought highly by others.

OLIVE
You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don’t like violence and know what’s right. You are kind and cheerful, but don’t envy other people easily.   

BROWN
You are active and sportive. It’s hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can’t get something, you give up and let go easily as well.   

BLUE
You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.   

NAVY
You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it’s hard for you to forgive them.   

AQUA
Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It’s hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by love.

BLACK
You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don’t like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.

ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.

______________

Loner lang din. ‘Finished a bottle of vodka cruiser i’ve been drinking since i came from the convenience store. So okay, lady’s drink daw, but nevertheless, a li’l feel good booze helps. Ah yes, am blogging just before i get my butt to dreamland. ‘Got the bed ready and all, punched out my card, i guess i dont want to get this crap any more longer. And so i’ll skip the shitty facts and proceed to the most recent, yup- saGuijo trip!

Whaddayaknow, it’s admit one production again and surpise! Sugarfree just turned six years. And what i thought is just another admit one sequence, they were generous enough to tag along cryola and sandwich. I finally get to know this familiar face, Cris. I’ve been to peligro for the Imago Two launch, saguijo, rockestra, back to saguijo, man this person has perfect attendance. She’s with the bands, ithink. And another surprise: trish was around! Though i guess i’ve been floor-waxed red enough to get myself strategically ignored. Oh well, she was sure kind enough to project a feeback with matching smile.

And yet there’s something more to love about trish: she sings real damn good!! Too bad she doesnt have an album out (yet?).. i should’ve caught her duet with ebe with ‘kandila’ on video. For everyone else who missed that rare event, where were you?! Does ‘d’ in ‘dj’ means ‘diva’? Rock diva ka trish! Astig astig astiG! For sure i wasnt alone cheering for her then at sugarfree’s sixth year held at saGuijo. I want a track of that duet in my phone!! I’ll be playing it over and over and over…This lady is amazing. candid. high-spirited. wow. yougottalove this woman… and this is a mere testimonial from an almost perfect stranger. That’s just how vibrant her aura is.

Outstanding. I seriously want a track of her singing dramachine’s kandila. Or some other songs, i guess.

Back to sugarfree, one word: congratulations! Six years. Wow, not bad. There’ll be more years to come, changes will be coming in and out, just hold on guys and continue making excellent music. These people are quite humble, to think, they already made a solid name for themselves. Keep it up..

That goes to the rest of pinoy musicians. Am pretty happy with the local music scene, they’re dominating the airwaves and that’s a good thing. Not just some music, but talents well composed and arranged, carrying a number of messages touching the pinoy soul. Basta. kahit sound trip lang, i’ll live. Sound trip lang sa jaguar ko. har-har

______________

Ever been hit by a solid barbel? Yup, i was, and am still alive to blog on it. Funny thing is, the pain was instant but didnt last for even an hour. Just like a quick kick in the right rib area. You should try it sometime. Joke. ‘Wasnt my blunder this time though, and the guy was saying his sorrys the whole time. Funnier thing is, i had my composure and the guy didnt got a taste of my expletives. Anyway, i do hope he didnt mean it.

______________

As much as i dont want to think so, i’m really am an embarassing drinking buddy. I get red almost instantly even with a li’l serving. But honest, i still think and act ‘normal’ all through the drinking occasion. That is, if i’m still awake. Just dont try waking me up for nothing… Hehe, you see i usually get ahead of everybody. If it aint in guijo, i really prefer drinking indoors, like a buddy’s house. Dario’s place was then the ifad’s constant drinking haven. I’m sure missin’ those days.

______________

s7ven stuffs

SEVEN THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. ‘my’ bed (missing me a lot)
2. pc
3. portfolio
4. thingamajigs
5. clutter
6. box of comic books
7. ad insights tarpaulin and souvenirs(junks)

TOP SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1. huhn?
2. sure/ok lang
3. >cackle<
4. leche/gagu
5. sir, pa print!
6. cge mauna na kau/ sunod ako/
7. sir pacheck/ paistorbo/ kelan yan/ yes ma’m

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE
WITHOUT:
1. sanity (does this mean i’ll die insane?)
2. my art
3. my thoughts
4. my cel (connections)
5. hair doctor combs and
6. filing my OT
(7.sex! er, i’m still alive but no sex)
7. work ( cant live without work, but it seems, it’s killing me)

SEVEN THINGS YOU WANT TO DO
BEFORE
YOU DIE:
1. be a creative mogul/advertising icon
2. franchise a jollibee
3. be a cd/ art d
4. publish something (my blog?)
5. penetrate multi-national ad agency, here/ abroad
6. grace the ads, model (dont laugh!)
7. fix myself and get away(not really)

SEVEN OTHER THINGS:
Do You:
1. Smoke? - when tipsy
2. Do you drink? quite
3. Read the newspaper? - when i get to grab one
4. Pray? -yes
5. Study? - life’s my school, am studying everyday, learning me and stuffs
6. Attend Church? - no
7. Wish on stars? before, when life’s that simple

Have you ever:
1. Gone skinny dipping? i dont remember
2. Had surgery? tuli and dental extraction
3. Swam in the dark? sure, but alone, had the pool all to myself
4. Been to a Bonfire? boyscout days
5. Ran away from home? - sort of
6. Played strip poker? - played strip and played pusoy dos/tong its
7. Pulled an all nighter?

SEVEN THINGS YOU DO BEFORE YOU
GO TO
BED:
1. drink milk/vitamin
2. brush teeth
3. wash face
4. time out?
5. fix bedding
6. play cel audio
7. whisper a conversation with Him

SEVEN PEOPLE YOU’D LOVE TO
MEET: Dead
or alive:
1. bernbach
2. warhol
3. future creative teamates
4. sigmund freud
5. tarantino
6. ninoy
7. wolfmann

SEVEN CRUSHES:
1. aileen
2. daz
3. aia de leon
4. pauleen luna
5. cant say
6. cant say
7. cant say

SEVEN FRIENDS YOU’VE SEEN IN THE
LAST
24 HRS.
1. atan
2. xp
3. ofc folks
4.
5.
6.
7. i did texted arianne

SEVEN THINGS IN LAST 24 HOURS:
Have you..
1. Cried? - not
2. Sang? if you can call it that, yeah
3. Been kissed? flying kiss, hahaha
5. Talked to an Ex? no
6. Missed someone? uncertain, just missin’. none specific
7. Hugged someone? myself. i needed it

______________

Current state: distracted/ unfocused/ comfortably fed up/ adrift/ sentimo (senti-emo)

My song as of late(msg alert anyone?): Since i dont have track of that kandila, mojofly’s mata. Positive song, kinda makes me want to laugh or smile when hearing the words: ‘kamusta na? andy’an ka pa ba? wala na yatang ibang magagawa kundi tumawa…’ 

Current album burning my playlist: imago’s first album, ’nuff said.

Lines from the songs i’ve been listening:
kamusta na? nand’yan ka pa ba? - mojofly, mata
natapos na ang lahat, dito pa rin ako - hale, kung wala ka
bilango-ho! - sugarfree, aug 27 at saGuijo
independence day.. is not for me - barbie’s cradle, independence day
find your way out, find your way - imago, pretty me
walang ibang nandito kundi ako - sugarfree, martir
lahaaya - imago, laya
i am free; kalayaaan, sa ‘ting la-hat - sugarfree, los baños
i’m falling, breaking into pieces, i’m drowning, choking into pieces, i will survive - twisted halo, breakable
i’ve been away for so long - orange and lemons, days and nights
umuwi ka na baby - mama orange and lemons,
i wont ever let you, ‘wont let you go home now - hale, underneath the waves
time is ticking, clicking away; i’ve got  my super fine computer and i’m here to stay.. i can’t take it anymo; i can stay here all night..; evrything will be alright - cambio, help yourself

kailagan ko rin ng pahinga..; pare-pareho lang tayo, pare-pareho lamang tao; minsan ayoko na; hanggang ayoko na; kahit anong mangyari, kailangan kong maging bayani - sugarfree, tao
in the eyes of make believe, sleep will set you free - imago, idlip
tulog na.. - sugarfree, tulog na
alas singko na pala ng umaga..; di ko lam kung bat ako nagkaganito - sugarfree, insomya
tulog na lang ang hinarap na ligaya, tulog na lang - bridge, makinarya
nasan na ang umaga? - sugarfree, limbo
wag mo kong tanungin - sugafree, burnout
panaginip na sumasabog ang mundo - narda, crime fighting mama

i want to go to the beach(burn-out!) - sandwich, burn out
nagpakain ka sa makina, umasenso ka na ba?; lalo lang sumisikip ang kurbata mo sabay sa pagtaas ng sweldo - bridge, makinarya
konti na lang pasensya, kaya na’ng umalis; ayoko na dito; gusot na’ng baro mo; ano’ng papel ko dito; o kay sarap magpahinga - cambio, corporate attire
pa’nu kung ayoko na; wag na nating patagalin; di ka masaya, pagod na ako, tapusin na natin ito; paalam na - cambio, patlang
nasan na’ng anino mo? - imago, anino
time, dont take it all away - sugarfree, fade away

i’m tired of waiting here, for you; cant waste my time i’m leaving you - session road, leaving you
she’s already taken - hale, the day you said goodnight
sarcastic smiles and fake hellos - hale, life support
i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry for me - hale, life support
bakit mahirap sumabay sa agos - imago, akap
san hihingi ng pata-wad! kung walang dalang dahilan - imago, taning
my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day - orange and lemons, heaven knows(this angel has flown)
mga liham ng nilihim kong pag-ibig; di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon; kaya mula ngayon - sugarfree, kwarto
bakit malungkot ang aking buhay…; di ko lam - sugarfree, insomya
someone get me love and affection…; i think i’m getting sick - monsterbot, fever
drenched in my pain again - green day, when september ends
we were peter pans for a day - sugarfree, fade away
they say it’s all in a day’s work, but that’s what old men say…; dont take it all away, i am fade away - sugarfree, fade away

timpe - bridge, makinarya
ang ugali mo’y iba - mojofly, minamalas
bukas, magbabago na ako - pedicab, bukas
wag kang magpapaloko, tao lang ako, taong tulad mo - sugarfree, tao
i dont care what they say, i dont care what they do, cause tonight i leave my fears behind - hale, broken sonnet
i thought i was over this; hallucinations; never on a rundown day; still lingers when it’s gone; be ready for a freefall - imago, freefall
i’m learning you now - hale, underneath the waves
we deny more of ourselves; say what you can, it doesnt matter…; and answer to no one; see if you can escape or the deny - imago, phoenix
nasan na ang kahapon, nung tayo’y mga bata pa at walang pakialam - sugarfree, limbo
Say what you want, say what you need, even if it’s something i dont wanna hear -  mojofly

everyone else has had more sex than me; does anyone else get that feeling? - TISM, everyone else has had sex than me
i know it’s a little funny asking you to bring some money for a cheap motel; tonight’s the night as we close our eyes and kiss - session road, track eight
you’re my angel - session road, track one
wala nang makapitan, nahuhulog sa iyo - lysosome
pwede ba kitang tabihan kahit my iba ka nang kasama? - sugarfree, prom
kamusta ka na kaya?; baka ako’ng may kasalanan..; di na pwede pag usapan; magka-ilaw man, madilim pa rin… - sugarfree, kandila
the innocent can never last, wake me up.. - green day, when september ends

Oh dont you wash away that smile, You just look out the window and see the the light; It’s beautiful to be alive, It’s wonderful to live a life; The sun is sure to shine,For you and me for everyone; So dont be sad it’s just the start, Of a new beginning in your life…; There will always be a blue sky, A blue sky waiting tomorrow-Full of hope - hale, bluesky
praise faith - hale, take no
bathala - imago, bathala
wag ka nang matakot sa lungkot; mga alalahanin ay ipasahangin - sugarfree, alinlangan
i think i’ll go home; thank you for sheding light to my fantasy; Tomorrow will be okay - mojofly, another day
di na kailangang magpaliwanag, pagkatapos ng dilim, lahat ay liliwanag - cambio, di na
why be down in the dumps, when a lot of people care…; you’re just a stone-throw away from being the best you can be; why live in the past, when you’ve gotta a lot of things in store - orange and lemons, tomorrow
time to stop wondering and redirect everything; instead of counting sheeps in hope for far-fetched dreams - orange and lemons, stike whilst the iron is hot